CATHARSIS FORTHCOMING

^^ That perfect "rustling" tree ^^

How many times have I been here before? Even just since I started blogging...

Okay, where to start. I'm just gonna jump in and dump out everything that I'm thinking and feeling. Everything I've been composing in my head (and maybe a little bit out loud) this afternoon.

It's that overwhelmed, lost, "What am I even doing?" feeling. I've been there before, so many times. Especially since becoming a mom. It's what inspired me to start blogging in the first place. My very first post? That new year's resolution to think more positively. Lots of versions of the same thing have plagued me for years. Probably my whole adult life. And it's probably nothing unique. That feeling that you're just not doing enough. Or the right things. Or the things to get you where you want to go. Not even knowing where you want to go.

I'm there. Again.

And that begs the question. Why am I here again? I've made resolutions. I've listened to audio-books. I started taking fish oil... (I need the laughing emoji here :) But seriously, I've taken steps (on numerous occasions) to change these feelings, but those changes just never seem to stick. Or maybe they just aren't enough. Or right? Is this just the natural cycle of humans... women... moms... Maybe it is much more related to "cycles" than I realize or care to discuss on a public platform. Something to consider in private though :) And maybe it's not even something that you Fix, rather something that you just work through over and over and over and hope to come out a little better on the other side each time? 

I can definitely say there are things I've implemented before that I think were helpful, but didn't stick to, or at least, I'm not implementing them now...

^^ Okay, I was on a roll there. Headed toward a short novel. Alas, Mercer duty called and now I am back and that roll is no more. No idea where my train of thought was headed and not really feeling the desire to "cathart" anymore and seriously questioning whether or not to abort this post altogether... nah, I'll just go with it. Might as well. ^^

I do, however, remember the ultimate conclusion that I came to earlier, during a nice walk after Mercer's nap, and that was to make one change a day. Doesn't sound like much, but when you're feeling tired, overwhelmed and without much motivation, I think that's a good place to start. Today, I decided to take a walk with Mercer when he woke up from his nap instead of wandering around the house wondering what the heck it is that one is supposed to do with a 6-month-old. And it felt good (not literally of course, because Texas did not get the memo about fall <--- I'm pretty sure that is a direct quote from some point during the past 2 falls during which I've blogged. I should just make that my tagline or something.) Anyway, it felt good to get out of the house. Breathe in some fresh air and move. And walking past the tree, the one at the top of the hill that makes the most perfect rustling sound, made me feel better. Optimistic.

I guess it doesn't really matter how many times I circle back to this. This feeling of being lost and confused and overwhelmed and like I'm just not doing it right. Life. Motherhood. Work. Anything. Everything. As long as I recognize it and make the effort to do better. 

MERCER 5 & 6 MONTHS

    

And again, I dropped the ball. I had such good intentions when it came to month 5 too... oh well, I'm here now and that's what counts!

Okay, let's pick up where we left off, all about the month leading up to our guy turning 5 months old...

5 Months: The month leading up to Mercer's 5 month birthday was when he really got into rolling. He had a spell of a few days when he was all about rolling from belly to back during tummy time, but then when he started going back to belly (always in his crib), it was like he forgot how to get back over. I had to go into his room during his naps on 5 different occasions one day to roll him back over to his back after he got himself stuck on his tummy and was livid about it (as if he had nothing to do with it)! Same thing happened a few times over night. I remember waking the poor guy up rolling him back over to his back a couple of times too because he would fall asleep face down and I was terrified he would suffocate himself since he couldn't seem to roll back over on his own. But, he did get the hang of it over the course of a few days. Overall, it was a bit of a grumpy month for him. I speculated that it was due to teething because I could see the outline of those two on the bottom, but they did not break through that month. We also had some hard days due to Adelaide's Mother's Day Out drop off and pick up messing with morning and afternoon naps (though luckily, we sorted out a solution to that and it is no longer an issue!!!). That hair on the tops just keeps on growing, so cute!

He Loves - Listening to and watching Adelaide; sometimes she sits in my lap too when I feed him at bedtime and she sings to him :), the Ergo is pretty much always a win, the jumper, chewing on watermelon chunks, songs - The More We Get Together, Pat-a-Cake, Head Shoulders Knees and Toes and This Little Piggy

He Doesn't Love - Getting off of his nap schedule, tummy time, sleeping all night (still eating once a night), solids (except gnawing on watermelon :)

6 Months: I gave him sweet potatoes the day he turned 5 months old and he loved them! He had been grabbing at my food so much and loving the watermelon, so I decided to give it a try and it was a hit. Over the month though, it was very hit and miss (still is). Some days he'll kill it and others he couldn't care less. Overall, it was a pretty good month! His bottom two teeth came through around 5 1/2 months and he's loving chewing on anything he can get his hands on! He's obsessed with my water cup - grabs it every time I get a drink, chews on the edge of the lid, and has even sucked water out of my straw a few times (though the water part really throws him). I'm excited about the fact that he seems to get that concept already though and hope that sticks around for when he actually starts drinking water. He has the most perfect natural mohawk! I spiked it up at bathtime one night and he woke up the next morning with it still up and it stayed that way for the next 2 days! He's all about rolling now. When I put him down on the floor and come back in a couple of minutes he'll be 2 feet away from where I left him! He's officially adopted the classic hiney-in-the-air baby sleeping position (heart eyes!) and is still eating once a night and lately, crying 1-2 other times (for who knows what reason). He spent his first nights away from home (2) when Jordan and I went to Chicago for his cousin's wedding. He did great and we had a blast. Beleive it or not, Adelaide was actually the one who had a bit of a hard time by day 2.

He Loves: Adelaide (as always!), the Ergo, being held/carried around (a lot), swinging outside, his jumper, pears, standing (with us holding his hands - though he's been bearing weight on his legs since his first month, which I may not have mentioned), I think the standing and jumping are what give him those meaty legs :)

He Doesn't Love: Being left on his own for too long, sleeping more than about 6 hours without crying, peas

Every month I look at his photos and think he's so dang cute, then the next month comes and he puts his previous month's self to shame. I know I'm biased, but if you ask me, his photo belongs in the dictionary next to adorable :)

 ^^ Those bottom teeth & his new hairstyle :) ^^

Now, can we just take a moment to celebrate the fact that is is now October?!?! Probably my favorite month, the unofficial start of the holiday season (to me at least), the month of our wedding anniversary, the month during which Adelaide was supposed to be born (alas, due to an error in calculation on my part, we were off by a few days, which still makes me crazy), the month of all things pumpkin, and in theory, changing leaves and crisp days... my favorite!