Let me just start at the beginning...

Last Friday was a particularly rough day. Adelaide had been whiny and crying at the littlest things all day. Actually, it started the previous day. On Thursday I remember telling my sister-in-law how glad I was that I had a doctor's appointment that day and that my-mother-in-law was going to watch Adelaide while I was gone. A break from the crying, whining and "Boo-hoo-hoo"ing. Yes, when she's in that kind of mood, she literally says "Boo-hoo-hoo...". It's funny, cute and annoying all at the same time. In Adelaide's defense, she is working on three molars right now. 

Side note: At what point does it stop hurting? All three of those have broken through, but randomly she seems bothered by them. I ask again, where oh where is the consistency???

Anyway, it's Friday night, 7 o'clock and we're in the home stretch. Bath time is imminent. We had just gotten home from a trip to Lowes (to buy stuff for a play kitchen for Adelaide) during which I endured no less than 3 crying fits about something or nothing. I was spent. Jordan was out of town (had been since Wednesday, and would be for a while yet), so no help there. I was DONE! I knew it was one of those times when she was going to want to be carried to the house. One of those times when she would cry the second her feet touched the ground. Been there, oh, a hundred times? But 1) I had my hands full, and carrying her wasn't a reasonable option, and to be honest, 2) I didn't want to carry her. I was frustrated and annoyed with her! 

So, it went just as I thought. She broke into crying fit number 1,239 for the day. What did I do? I just kept walking. I figured she'd cry, but follow me once she realized I wasn't going to pick her up. She didn't. She just stood there crying screaming. I got to the house (for those of you who know our house, she was at the truck out back by the shop, so she was a pretty good distance away), she still wasn't budging. I yelled out in that I'm-boiling-with-frustration-and-masking-it-with-a-way-too-sweet-voice "Adelaide, baby, come on...", not a step. For a moment I debated going to grab her for fear that the neighbors would hear her and think I was allowing something horrible to happen (yes, it was that loud, ask my sister-in-law who's response to the video I took was "Oh my god, she's so loud!"). Yes, I took a video. Maybe that's completely insensitive and mean, but something about videoing things like that helps me separate from the situation and kinds comforts me knowing I'll have proof of what I was dealing with. So this goes on for probably an hour a minute, me inching closer trying to coax her to the house, her not buying it. Then our neighbor who was mowing his yard comes around to the side of his house (closer to us). Adelaide sees this and gets a little freaked. Now, I would like to point out one thing here: where our neighbor is, is still a good hundred feet or more away from Adelaide. She absolutely was not in any danger. But yeah, I think it scared her a little. I used that fear, yelled another "Come on Adelaide..." and she did. Not because she was listening to my request, but because she was scared. 

At the time, I was satisfied. I guess I felt a little like, well that'll teach ya. I had won. Moving on.

Fast forward to the next day. We're playing in the back yard and a weird air horn thing honks. Adelaide gets this fearful, trying-not-to-cry look on her face and I tell her it was just a horn. Weird, that kind of thing doesn't' usually phase her. I ask what's wrong. She says "No Jimmy." (that's our neighbor's name) and asks to go inside. This is really weird. She never wants to go inside.  So, in we go. The next day we go outside and she wants me to pick her up. Won't play. Keeps saying "Jimmy?" and looking over at his house. Cries when I put her down. At this point, it's starting to dawn on me. She's scared of Jimmy. And it's my fault. 

Suddenly, guilt comes crashing down on me so hard I have to sit down. My eyes go wide and hand comes to my mouth in that "Oh my god." moment of realization. I've scarred her, is my thought. 

Parenthood is destined to be full of these kinds of moments. For me especially. I am a second-guessing, ruminating, over-thinker. About that car that cut me off, about that thing I said or should've said, about the way I handled whatever situation. I'm trying to work on it, but it's really hard. 

Being a Mom is really hard. It comes with tons and tons of guilt (for me anyway), from more sources than I ever could've imagined. But I do my best and that's all I really can do. 

But even with all the guilt and frustration and hard times, it is more than worth it to be her Mommy. She's the love of my life, for sure.



Now if only I had gotten her request for "More booty?" on camera too...



 ^^When something rustles in the tree right above your head, you better bet you gotta make sure whatever that something is isn't flying at you, claws bared. ^^
Tank: Old Navy, Shorts: Madewell, Shoes: Target

**When I started this blog, I hoped to use it as a positive space. A place to focus on the happy and good things in my life. Now I know I'm not always great at that... Let's be honest, it's probably about 50/50 good to whiny/complain-y/boo-hooy. But, I think it's evolved into a much more accurate portrayal of me and my life through honesty, rather than it becoming a view of my life through rose-tinted glasses. And more than anything it has become such a valuable place of catharsis for me. And lately I've just kinda been in the mood to complain about my detest for Texas summers. So, why not add one more to add to the second column ;)

10 Things I Hate About Summer

1. It's too hot (all 24 hours of the day) to wholly enjoy any outdoor activity.
2. No sitting outside in the morning with a sweater and a steaming hot cup of coffee (unless you're in the market for a heat stroke).
3. Recipes containing pumpkin are not "acceptable" (though I've been strongly considering whipping up some pumpkin bread anyway).
4. No layers. Heck, even the minimal acceptable amount of clothing is uncomfortable. Unless you're indoors, which brings me to....
5. The freeeeeezing temperature of many indoor establishments that is made necessary due to the ridiculously high humidity.
6. The way my camera lens fogs up the second I think about leaving the house with it.
7. The endless search for shade trees in every parking lot because I have no desire to cook myself or Adelaide upon returning, which is incredibly difficult because someone in decided it was better to clear cut everything when building something new (which everything around here is) and replace those trees with measly little sticks spaced out about every hundred feet which provide just about enough shade for my car's antenna.
8. No crisp morning walks with Adelaide.
9. The looks people give me when point out the Fall aisles I spotted at Hobby Lobby and Michael's. Don't knock it people! It's the light at the end of the tunnel, and I need it!
10. Did I mention that it's hot?!?!



ME: Shirt & Jeans: F21, Sandals: Target
Adelaide: Shirt: Old Navy, Shorts: Part of a set from Ross, Shoes: Saltwater Sandals, via Amazon

Well, here we are again. Here being: Monday.... a day when I want/need to post, but have nothing to say.... Adelaide's nap time hitting just a little too early for me to feel like I can take advantage by napping myself, even though I know I'm bound to regret that decision in a couple of hours.... desperately trying to fight a major sugar craving (it pretty much never goes away).... 

Is that seriously all I've got?

Yeah. I think it is.



^^ I think this is destined to be one of my all-time favorite photos ^^

Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted all week! I'm not sure where Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday were this week, but I swear, they weren't at my house! Somehow or another the week just disappeared into thin air and I am currently nursing a stomach ache from way too much cake sampling (I'm making my niece's birthday cake!). 

So, I'm going to leave you with some photos that I've been saving for just the an occasion like this, when I have to post something, yet have nothing. Little miss adorbs having some splash pad fun. Okay, so these were taken weeks ago and I already shared one on Instagram... but splash pads are fair game all summer, so lets just pretend they're from today, shall we? 

Okay, it's time for me to go whip up some frosting to really kick this stomachache into high gear. Have a super fabulous weekend!



Shirt, Shorts & Shoes: F21 (Do I ever shop anywhere else???)

July. July 3rd. It's just not possible! Time flies, certainly, but aren't there just certain months that really seem to emphasize it? Like July. Probably any month that has a holiday I guess. I guess it makes you realize how recently it seems the holiday was, when it's actually been months since. 

So, in honor of Independence Day, I have a pre-fourth outfit for ya. A subtle nod to the upcoming holiday. For the actual holiday, I like to go a little more obvious with star covered tank that I got on clearance at Urban Outfitters like, 8 years ago. Sometimes subtle is just not necessary :) Also a little sneak peak at the toasted marshmallows for the the S'mores Ice Cream Sandwiches I'm making for our cook-out tomorrow!

I hope everyone's holiday weekend is filled with good food, fun and lots of fireworks. We're planning on keeping Adelaide up this year to join in on the fun... we'll see how that goes... And hopefully the rain that's hung around here all day (hence the indoor pictures, yet again, thanks to my lens fogging up if I even think about stepping outside with it) will move on to somewhere that actually needs it. 

And in conclusion, a few {ahhhh-dooorable} pictures of Adelaide (as if there are any other kind ;) doing a little patriotic finger painting yesterday. Happy 4th everyone!

P.S. Pictures were in the the kitchen today because that was the most tidy looking place in the house. And cuz that's where the marshmallows were. Enough said.



 Shirt & Skirt: F21, Shoes: Target

I've made no secret about the sad state of my brain since becoming a mom. It reached new heights over the weekend. Remember when I told you I had a story about when I was sewing new covers for some throw pillows? Well, here it is...

I thought I'd give piping a try this time. So, I watched a YouTube tutorial on how to do it, got to measuring and cutting and started sewing. After just a couple inches of stitching, I realized I was sewing the piping to the wrong side of the fabric, and whoooaaa doggies, hold your horses, STOP! Ha mush brain! You thought you were gonna really mess me up again, didn't ya? Well I've got news for you! I caught it waaaay before it was a real problem. So THERE! (If I'm being totally transparent about my level of weirdness... that's really a pretty accurate representation of the dialog running through my head at the time... maybe even a little out loud... Yes, I talk to myself. And yes, I sometimes talk to parts of myself [mush brain] as if they are separate entities from time to time...) Moving on--->

So I stop right there, pull out the rogue stitches, minimal time lost. No biggie. (I WIN brain!) I start over and finish it up (correctly) and am quite pleased with the outcome. Okay, moving on to pillow number two... I sew the piping on, aaaaaall the way around, (even quicker than the first time, pat on the back) and am mid-celebration thinking I've mastered this piping thing, when I realize that I sewed it on aaaaall the way around on the wrong side of the fabric. AGAIN! Only this time, it's waaaay worse and was not quickly remedied. So, I rip the stitches out around the whole thing (which, if you sew at all, you know is pretty much the worst!) and start again. Aaaaaall the way around once more, and barely even cut the thread from the final stitch when I realize I. just. did. it. WRONG. AGAAAAAAIIIIINNNNN! Are you kidding me? AREYOUKIDDINGME????????? 

And that, my friends, is what Adelaide did to my brain. 


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