My whole reason for starting this blog was to help me fulfill a resolution to become a more positive person. Like so many New Year's Resolutions across the world, mine was quickly forgotten and back to my old ways I went. I have now decided that I know the root of my problem (as if labeling it does any good): I am idealistic to a fault. I imagine every situation the way one might see it depicted in a movie or TV show. I may say that I know that Stars Hollow isn't a real place and that I don't think I will ever find a town like that to call home, "C'mon Jordan, I know fiction when I see it, duh!"--- but let's just be honest here. Deep down, I do believe it's real and that if I just found it, I would find happiness, my niche, my calling. Seriously though, what am I, 15?

I say all of this to say that I have found myself at a fork in the road. I am all too aware that the direction I choose could have a profound effect on the direction the rest of my life will take. It's possible that my decision won't have that monumental of an impact, but it is equally possible that it will. So, I am feeling a lot of pressure to make the right choice here. To make sure that I don't regret what I choose to do. And based on who I am as a person (unless I manage to change), that is a very real consequence of my decision. 

I am finding it very difficult to analyze each option realistically, rather than imagining each option in it's idealized, silver-outlined, puffy cloud form. I feel like neither option is the obvious choice and neither option is the ideal, life-fulfilling path I wish it were. But is that even a real situation for anyone? I mean really, does anyone ever find themselves making one decision that really has the power to, in one fell swoop, change their entire life for the better? Or am I just imagining a scene from a movie again? 

I have made list, after list, after list of the pros and cons of each option, only to come to the same conclusion: neither option is the obvious choice. Neither option is perfect. So where to go from here? I am 100% on the fence, and can't see a way to jump off on either side. Jordan has a much better outlook on the situation: either way, I'm going to get half of what I wanted. (He seems to be a glass half full kind of a guy, huh?) So now I guess it's just a matter of deciding which half I want more...


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