Two more days, then it's back to work, for real this time. I went back for one week before Christmas break for a couple of reasons. 1) I thought going back for one week, right before being out again for Christmas break might make the transition easier. I'd have a week to get used to being in the classroom again, re-get to know my sweet PreK-ers and get a handle on the lessons, etc. before jumping back in full speed after the break. 2)That's when my 12 wk. maternity leave would end. I considered talking to my principal about extending my leave by one week, but decided not to do that - for reason 1. 

I think going back that extra week was good and bad. Good, for all of the reasons I thought it would be good. Good because it allowed me to realize just how hard leaving my baby girl would be, but bad, very bad, for that same reason.

Now I know exactly what to expect when I walk out of that door on Monday morning, but I don't know if that's really a good thing. I mean, I do know now that I will physically survive the day. And, I do know that each day will get easier. But I also know that it will hurt... emotionally and physically. After my first day back, my cheeks were literally raw and sore from the crying and wiping of tears all day.

Adelaide is growing and learning and changing so much. Every. Single. Day. I hate that I am going to miss out on so much of that. I do realize that everything she learns, I will get to see. Does it matter that I may not see it the first time, when I do get to see it the second, third, fourth.... times? Maybe not to most. Does it matter that someone else is the one teaching her those new things? Maybe not to most. But, to emotional, postnatal me, those things do matter. 

And what about the laundry, dinner, dishes, sweeping and the general tidying of our house... the grocery shopping, lesson planning, time with family...  When is there ever going to be enough time? How do so many women juggle all of these things? And how do they make it look so easy?

I have learned that being a mom is so much about prioritizing. Every time Adelaide goes to sleep, I mentally run through the list of things I need and want to do. What's the most important thing? Eating, showering, laundry, Pinterest, the latest episode of Reign, blogging.... And that's only about 1/4 of the things I need to consider every time I have time to myself! Sometimes I skip past the things I need to do, and choose to do something I want to do... like I'm doing right now. Other times I focus on things that I need to do, and I still don't get all of it done. 

How am I going to balance being a teacher, a mom and a wife? How will I find the energy to fill each of those roles completely? I'm sure those are questions that every working mom has asked herself, and figured out how to answer. 

I hope I find an answer that I can be happy with. 

This little girl just makes it so hard to say goodbye!


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